Bismillah...
Alhamdulillah, everything seems normal. Makan cukup, minum cukup, family sihat, bumbung berteduh ada.
Now time to go further. Move on with my past and most importantly, be patient.
Thursday, July 23, 2020
I almost forgot, I have a blog!
Bismillah...
Alhamdulillah, everything seems normal. Makan cukup, minum cukup, family sihat, bumbung berteduh ada.
Now time to go further. Move on with my past and most importantly, be patient.
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Cybersquare C-36-06
Aku baca balik semua ap yg ak dah tulis dlm blog ni.
Sememangnya ak dah agak semua ni akan berlaku. Tak berlaku pn mesti at least lah one or two will happen.
I knew about her instability but I was never under the impression that she will leave me (she always does and it will usually takes about a week or 2 at most) she left me. There is no language to describe how much this brings me agony. I knew some part of her is not stable. She switches decisions and mood like weather and even more volatile that it. It was exactly what I feared in my mind that she will leave me. I knew about her condition but I got to positive. I didn't expected that it will be this way.
Somewhere before on this blog, I believe I have written how much I suffered , how much I was in pain and how much it hurts for her to leave me and furthermore I was dying not to let her go. But she did go. At some point, I didn't fear death. But of course now, I feared death the most (isnt everyone?). To be frank, I did not expect anymore reader for my blog. I have no time to write anymore. But, after all the betrayal. You can't rely on anybody at all but yourself. Even the girl you love left you and you had no choice but to live. I never thought that at some point breathing is painful. I think this is my mistake for loving someone too much and to trust anyone at all. I dont need to remind myself here as i did before because i know. I will remember all the betrayal and breaks up until the day I die.
Here is a story how she left me. How I pick up myself from trash and how I regained my connections until I landed on a below-average job (if compared to my age).
I took something. Something that altered my mind. Something that can turn likes to dislikes and dislikes to likes. I didn't blame the person who got me into this. I blame myself. It all started when there was a little thought given on life. First there was greatness and joy and then and then I started skipping work. I hated to work. I hate everything that it is. I took my job for granted. I took many medical leaves and was mostly not at work. I was enjoying myself with that thing along with her.
Soon, things started to get worst. I have been relying on her too much. Not just emotionally but my well fair as well. Here is a thing, no matter how much the person loves you. Never put too much burden on her (usually men is able to withstand this due to men's nature to provide everything in family)and she flipped.
December 2016, I moved from my sister's house to my own rented house Cybersquare. The initial idea was to keep me sane and easy to cope with my crazy night shift back in Atos. After 2 months I left the company. I wasn't able to keep up with the shift. Back then there was 3 of us. I love her (or him but I am sure it's she) she is the one that keeps me going. But she left me. We had no choice. I cried. But there wasn't enough tears to shed anymore. Until today even more than a year ago that memories are fresh.
The reason I left the company was really stupid. I remembered I dismissed by job interview couple times due to that shit. I remembered how bad it was relying on her for food and a place to stay (cybersquare she was paying the rent) but after 2 months I got another job offer. HP as permanent. My gf back then Farah (not anymore) was so proud of me. I was proud of myself as well.
My best friend back then (My friends my gf left me and I survive... i hope)warned me. If I love both of them. Don't quit the job. But I did. I just didnt want to go to work. I just want to follow her, be with her have that shit with her smile with her. Never in my mind that one day I will lose it. I was surprised now, by the way, I think that time. Was I aware that one day she will go? Haven't my friend warn me? Was it soo hard to work like what I am doing now? I am asking myself now, do I have a gf now?NO. Am I working now? Yes. So my logic back then was to not have a job and fucked up my life and expect the gf to stay?
Was it worth it? Yes, you got what you wanted. for how long? It all went downhill after my birthday on 5th Oct 2017. I remembered when she was in Medan. I fucked up again. You didn't know that was the last time she will truly call you "syg". That was it. After that, we both when to this weird "friendship" until now. The ending is very abrupt and sudden. But we managed to stay as lovers though there are some differences which she will always remind me of. It started on the 20th of October. I started it. I was bitching so hard at her. She tried to calm me down. But that didn't stop me. honestly i can't be typing this at work while crying. it is wrong. 12 November was it. the official day of my downfall.
She was mad for things that is manageable. I couldnt accept it. Given it is her nature to go berserk and it should be me to calm her down. This time I snapped. She didnt care about my car and my life to be exact. I was left with a broken car and unemployed. My family helped me fix that car. I gave her back the phone, she checked the phone voice recording. That's it. After that I didnt meet her. She lost her job due to helping me with gas while I was working for Uber. That time she was begging me to be with her back in Kuantan, I regretted that day. I had no choice. But that was it. The house owner asked me to move out earlier. I had no more money to continue for the payment as I was unemployed. In Cybersquare I lost her. I lost my best friend (I miss him soo much).
HONESTLY AKU DAH X BOLEH NK TAIP LG SEBAB RASA SAKIT KEPALA AND BADAN RASA NK DEMAM.
After that thing happened we stay as friends. We did act a bit like a couple but there was never a real move. It has been 7 months since the Medan incident. 7 months that I stayed friends with her. We have known each other for 7 years now. I am working now. In front of Cybersquare and every day I remember the story of those I missed and I lost. The moments of joy and love. I felt like talking to someone about the whole thing when I look at the building. I was full of hopes and dreams when I move in there.
Now I learn that someone you love will leave you one day. Friends are not to be trusted no one is and you only have yourself to protect and to love. The pain that I am in, no one will know. The truth is I can't stop loving her. There was a time I wanted to move on but, I can't. I wish one day I will be able to move on like she did. I am not regretting what happened. But I am sad about how it happened.
KITA BOLEH RANCANG TP ALLAH YG MENENTUKAN
Sememangnya ak dah agak semua ni akan berlaku. Tak berlaku pn mesti at least lah one or two will happen.
I knew about her instability but I was never under the impression that she will leave me (she always does and it will usually takes about a week or 2 at most) she left me. There is no language to describe how much this brings me agony. I knew some part of her is not stable. She switches decisions and mood like weather and even more volatile that it. It was exactly what I feared in my mind that she will leave me. I knew about her condition but I got to positive. I didn't expected that it will be this way.
Somewhere before on this blog, I believe I have written how much I suffered , how much I was in pain and how much it hurts for her to leave me and furthermore I was dying not to let her go. But she did go. At some point, I didn't fear death. But of course now, I feared death the most (isnt everyone?). To be frank, I did not expect anymore reader for my blog. I have no time to write anymore. But, after all the betrayal. You can't rely on anybody at all but yourself. Even the girl you love left you and you had no choice but to live. I never thought that at some point breathing is painful. I think this is my mistake for loving someone too much and to trust anyone at all. I dont need to remind myself here as i did before because i know. I will remember all the betrayal and breaks up until the day I die.
Here is a story how she left me. How I pick up myself from trash and how I regained my connections until I landed on a below-average job (if compared to my age).
I took something. Something that altered my mind. Something that can turn likes to dislikes and dislikes to likes. I didn't blame the person who got me into this. I blame myself. It all started when there was a little thought given on life. First there was greatness and joy and then and then I started skipping work. I hated to work. I hate everything that it is. I took my job for granted. I took many medical leaves and was mostly not at work. I was enjoying myself with that thing along with her.
Soon, things started to get worst. I have been relying on her too much. Not just emotionally but my well fair as well. Here is a thing, no matter how much the person loves you. Never put too much burden on her (usually men is able to withstand this due to men's nature to provide everything in family)and she flipped.
December 2016, I moved from my sister's house to my own rented house Cybersquare. The initial idea was to keep me sane and easy to cope with my crazy night shift back in Atos. After 2 months I left the company. I wasn't able to keep up with the shift. Back then there was 3 of us. I love her (or him but I am sure it's she) she is the one that keeps me going. But she left me. We had no choice. I cried. But there wasn't enough tears to shed anymore. Until today even more than a year ago that memories are fresh.
The reason I left the company was really stupid. I remembered I dismissed by job interview couple times due to that shit. I remembered how bad it was relying on her for food and a place to stay (cybersquare she was paying the rent) but after 2 months I got another job offer. HP as permanent. My gf back then Farah (not anymore) was so proud of me. I was proud of myself as well.
My best friend back then (My friends my gf left me and I survive... i hope)warned me. If I love both of them. Don't quit the job. But I did. I just didnt want to go to work. I just want to follow her, be with her have that shit with her smile with her. Never in my mind that one day I will lose it. I was surprised now, by the way, I think that time. Was I aware that one day she will go? Haven't my friend warn me? Was it soo hard to work like what I am doing now? I am asking myself now, do I have a gf now?NO. Am I working now? Yes. So my logic back then was to not have a job and fucked up my life and expect the gf to stay?
Was it worth it? Yes, you got what you wanted. for how long? It all went downhill after my birthday on 5th Oct 2017. I remembered when she was in Medan. I fucked up again. You didn't know that was the last time she will truly call you "syg". That was it. After that, we both when to this weird "friendship" until now. The ending is very abrupt and sudden. But we managed to stay as lovers though there are some differences which she will always remind me of. It started on the 20th of October. I started it. I was bitching so hard at her. She tried to calm me down. But that didn't stop me. honestly i can't be typing this at work while crying. it is wrong. 12 November was it. the official day of my downfall.
She was mad for things that is manageable. I couldnt accept it. Given it is her nature to go berserk and it should be me to calm her down. This time I snapped. She didnt care about my car and my life to be exact. I was left with a broken car and unemployed. My family helped me fix that car. I gave her back the phone, she checked the phone voice recording. That's it. After that I didnt meet her. She lost her job due to helping me with gas while I was working for Uber. That time she was begging me to be with her back in Kuantan, I regretted that day. I had no choice. But that was it. The house owner asked me to move out earlier. I had no more money to continue for the payment as I was unemployed. In Cybersquare I lost her. I lost my best friend (I miss him soo much).
HONESTLY AKU DAH X BOLEH NK TAIP LG SEBAB RASA SAKIT KEPALA AND BADAN RASA NK DEMAM.
After that thing happened we stay as friends. We did act a bit like a couple but there was never a real move. It has been 7 months since the Medan incident. 7 months that I stayed friends with her. We have known each other for 7 years now. I am working now. In front of Cybersquare and every day I remember the story of those I missed and I lost. The moments of joy and love. I felt like talking to someone about the whole thing when I look at the building. I was full of hopes and dreams when I move in there.
Now I learn that someone you love will leave you one day. Friends are not to be trusted no one is and you only have yourself to protect and to love. The pain that I am in, no one will know. The truth is I can't stop loving her. There was a time I wanted to move on but, I can't. I wish one day I will be able to move on like she did. I am not regretting what happened. But I am sad about how it happened.
KITA BOLEH RANCANG TP ALLAH YG MENENTUKAN
Kena lg
This post was supposed to be a sweet one. Super sweet. But not wallet-friendly.
I thought she was going to be the one
Promise after promises.
and it's all a lie.
Those come at a price. RM600 maybe? or RM700
not including my time and confidence.
what a weird meeting.
Be careful with people. Not just women. They can lie and waste your time.
I hope I learned something from this.
I am just really tired. I wanna go home and eat then sleep
and it's all a lie.
Those come at a price. RM600 maybe? or RM700
not including my time and confidence.
what a weird meeting.
Be careful with people. Not just women. They can lie and waste your time.
I hope I learned something from this.
I am just really tired. I wanna go home and eat then sleep
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